Posts by K. Martini

Usernames: Not Just Another Moniker

Posted on February 16, 2013

You will never get the chance to regain a first impression.  This is a universal rule and can be applied to every situation worldwide including the virtual variety.  Usernames convey identity.  Your username is your brand, your stamp, your label.  It is a reflection of YOU.  The following list  illustrates just a sampling of the usernames I’ve encountered over the past 60 days. ↓ MissTittsTrick Hardboy69 Jkfg((y*948qup$S#@n09sfnwbp HairyLeftToenailed SoullessBitch Herpes_free_since_03 InJail_Outsoon ↓ As you examine each username above, close your eyes and call upon your own visual slide show to summon the image each one conveys.  I believe I’ve made my point. K. Martini

Cortege Pageantry: The Funeral Procession

Posted on January 27, 2013

My Mother was often described as a “colorful” woman.  As a child, the term was innocently interpreted as a compliment.  As I reflect on these comments as an adult, I’ve come to understand that “colorful” does not necessarily equate to positive behaviors.  Life with my Mother was never boring.  At her core, she could best be described as a stereotypical southern lady in the body of a northern suburbanite.  Couple this with a tortured soul and closeted dependency issues and you have anything but boring.  While I could retell stories that would curl the hair of a bald man, I will restrain myself and provide you with a relatively tame example of a Faux Pas “don’t”.  First, let me impart you with some guidance…

“What have you done to yourself?” Comments to live by.

Posted on January 12, 2013

While statistics vary only slightly, it is reported that approximately 75% of us color our hair.  In the 1950’s the figure hovered around 7%.  Thankfully, the progression of science has allowed us the freedom to become more attractive while avoiding the chemical hair-fry and unintentional color disasters of the past. I am not only thankful for the progression of science but am thankful that I was born with fabulous hair.  The good Lord blessed me with light, honey colored locks;  shiny, bouncy, thick and straight.  I am not boasting.  The good Lord also gave me legs with a 26 1/2″ inseam and a rack so large the girls can only be lifted with $150.00 bras.  One day I will understand His logic.  And His…

The Art of the Deal: Couponing

Posted on December 31, 2012

The holidays are behind us and our bank accounts have been “slenderized”.  ‘Tis the season for scoring a great deal.  In my house, everyday is the season.  My couponing craze began as a young, married mother of two  Money was tight in the early days while we established new careers and juggled tots.  What was born of necessity became an obsession driven by thrifty competition.  It’s was me against the retail establishment.  Or something like that. While I don’t spend long hours in my pursuit of a great deal as I once did, you will still find a dedicated compartment in my wallet for valuable savings.  I simply love the the thrill of obtaining  rock-bottom prices.  If you’ve read some of my past posts,…

Oh, You Shouldn’t Have! Re-Gifting

Posted on December 15, 2012

 I’m reissuing a post I wrote in May due to the nature of the season.  With all of our lives filled with busyness and last-minute reminders of forgotten gifts, take a moment to pause and read (or re-read) etiquette guidelines for re-gifting.  I don’t know about you but as the days creep closer to Christmas and panic begins to set in, I find I must resist the temptation to wrap Grandma’s crocheted plant holder lovingly given to me in 1979.  Happy Holidays everyone! ♥ Re-Gifting.  This is a relatively new term for off-loading your loot to another person all under the guise of an original gift.  There are many justifiable reasons:  You want to be “green” and recycle, you don’t have time to shop,…

Another Annual Tradition: The Holiday Letter

Posted on December 1, 2012

“Dear [INSERT NAME], It’s hard to believe that another year has passed!  You just can’t imagene the many blesings our family has experienced in 2012.  Bob was promoted in July to the position of CEO.  After the many long and tireless hours he’s committed to the compnay over the past 38 years, we are enjoying a more liveable wage of $650,000 per year.  I just don’t know how we managed to get by on the pittance of just half that all these years.  Now we will be able to afford the procedure to get rid of his little “wart” problem! Buffy just graduated Magna Cum Laude of her class at Yale.  She missed Suma Cum Laude by .2% and attributes the oversight not to…

The Takers

Posted on November 18, 2012

Perhaps the single most unattractive person in the world is one whose attitude and actions demonstrate a false sense of entitlement.  Unattractive because the accompanying behaviors of entitlement are always rude.  This person acts as though their needs and wants supersede all others.  They believe they have a right to demand.  They are owed.  They are not appreciative.  They are rarely happy and always selfish.  They are “Takers”. We all know someone.  They can be neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, strangers or co-workers. It is the brother who borrows money from you, fails to pay you back then gets irritated with you when you inquire. It is the woman in the restaurant who berates the waitress for not taking her order quick enough. It’s the party…