Posts from the “Everyday Civilities” Category

Toots

Posted on September 8, 2012

In my lifetime, I’ve known three individuals within my circle of friends, family and acquaintances that could clear a room within 15 seconds.  This uncanny ability is not due to any phenomenal skill other than the uncontrollable human affliction of noxious gas expulsion.  It so happens that this community of peeps is of the male persuasion and find the act uproariously entertaining.  I’ve yet to understand if the hilarity is due to embarrassment, reactions elicited in the nearby victims or a flaw in the gender.  Either way, blatant offenses such as these need to be addressed.  While your vapors may seem whimsical and sportive, you will not win points from the sitting ducks in the room. The following Faux Pas rules apply to all…

The Art of the Air Kiss

Posted on September 1, 2012

I know what images are dancing around in your head.  Young Hollywood starlets, “Want-to-be-Famous-for-Nothings”, The Red Carpet.  While the rise of American celebrity continues to plague us with ridiculous demonstrations of artificial behaviors, it is the air kiss that holds genuine promise for sincerity if executed properly. Although it might be assumed that this cultural phenomenon originated in Hollywood, its inception actually dates back more than a century ago from countries far, far away.  It is hard to pinpoint the exact location but it’s safe to claim that air kissing was not invented by the Housewives of Orange County.  These gals may only take claim to re-imaging the air kiss into a disingenuous and hollow greeting. Let’s begin our lesson with the Five W’s:…

Napkin (aka: Face Wipe, Nappy, Smacker Dabber)

Posted on August 24, 2012

NAPKIN: A diminutive little device used to wipe your mouth and hands while eating.   If you happen to live in Canada,  Australia,  South Africa or the U.K., you may even refer to this handy little wipe as a Serviette.  If you are American, please refrain from using that term as you will appear pretentious which would be a separate faux pas than we are addressing here.  At the least, you will appear foolish especially if your dinner companions are wearing camo and/or are donning a mullet hairdo. So be it paper or cloth, there are specific etiquette guidelines for napkin use.  Please note the following pointers: Place your nappy in your lap when seated at the table.  Days of yore dictated that the guest…

Indispensible Words – time for a re-run

Posted on August 18, 2012

It is time for a refresher.   If my recent experiences are any indication of the evolution of civility, then I’m forced to start near the beginning with a repeater.  Please read and forward the following message… Indispensable is a five syllable word that nicely compliments today’s posting; The Five Most Important Words in the civilized world.  Actually, I’ve been blessed to travel all over the world and know these words have power everywhere; even among the non-civilized.  What are they you ask?  Since it’s been awhile since we attended Kindergarten, I will provide a little refresher. Thank-you Please I’m Sorry Excuse Me You’re Welcome Expressing appreciation is the trademark of civility.  We either throw “thank-you” around willy-nilly or neglect to say it at all. …

SuperMarket – Small Civilities

Posted on August 10, 2012

Another recent excursion to the grocery store yielded not only a bargain on my favorite yogurt but a wealth of Faux Pas topics.  Yes, it was a trip to Crazyville.  While an abundance of themes eagerly await my purging, I will relate the following tidbit: Whose responsibility is it to place the partition bar on the conveyor belt? Answer: Whoever is in the front of the queue nearest the cash register. Reason: To keep each person’s lot separated from the other. Possible Reason Ramifications: Cost  (aka:To avoid paying for and coming home with someone else’s delicious blood sausage or extra absorbent tampons.)  This is only an issue if you are a menopausal vegan on a restricted budget.  No matter your lifestyle, no one wants…

Gentlemen – Flip your Lid

Posted on August 4, 2012

“Cock your hat – angles are attitudes”                                                                           Frank Sinatra Once upon a time, men and their hats were divided into two camps: in one camp, a hat was worn for function, the other camp wore a hat for style.  With the passage of time,  distinctions and functions have faded. While our culture continues to become more casual with each generation, I believe that all men have had one desire throughout the millenniums: to be respected.  Second desire: to be cool. Gone are the days when a young man was taught how to flip his lid respectfully.  Every once in a great while we might be privileged…

Pop Quiz

Posted on July 20, 2012

This is “Open Book” style.  HINT:  All of the questions below have just one correct and honorable answer.  Can you find the exception?  You will not be graded. ♦ You’ve received an invitation to a Flag Day party.  The invitation is addressed to you.  You really want to bring your five-year-old son.  You will: Bring him along.  Clearly this was an oversight. Find a babysitter. Call the host and ask if you can bring him along. It’s the 4th of July and you are going boating with friends.  You are very popular as you’ve been boating every weekend this summer on a different lake.  You have some leftover bait from May that is making a stink in your refrigerator.  You bring it along and…