If you really want to feel special, order yourself a corsage and wear it for no apparent reason.  You are not headed to the prom (thank you, Lord), a wedding or funeral.  You are not celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, winner of the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes or named Pickle Salesperson of the Year.  You simply love you.

What a treat to be able to go about your day with the aroma and beauty of a fresh bloom or two.  This little luxury will only cost you a few bucks.  Much less than the cost of a bouquet which will sit on your counter while you spend the majority of your time away from it.  Cheaper than a manicure, pedicure, facial or trip to the shoe barn.  If you are one of the fortunate few who will receive a corsage or boutonniere from another person or need to wear one for a special event, here are your etiquette rules:

All corsages and boutonnieres must be worn on the left side only.  Why you ask?  Because if everyone wears their blooms on the same side, you will avoid the crush and mashing of petals when you hug or slow dance to “Color my World“.  If for some reason one of your party (crazy and uncooperative bridesmaid, pall bearer, usher, partner, etc.) is unable to fulfill their duty for left-side wearing,  ALL others in the same party should wear it on the same side as the one-off rule breaker.  This also applies for wrist corsage wearers.

Men:  If presenting a corsage to a woman, you must open the box and hand it to her.  HINT:  The moment when she first sees your gift will always elicit a delighted response.  Don’t rush that moment (aka: don’t tear open the box, rip apart the cellophane and toss it to her in one swift movement.)

Open the box.

Allow her to inquisitively peer inside.

Wait – beat one beat two beat three.

She will utter: “Ohhhhh, it’s beautiful“.

You are a stud.  You are a stud for that moment.  Relish it.

He was a stud 30 seconds prior to the flash of the Instamatic camera.

It is at this precise moment when the inevitable awkward moment presents itself .  You either fumble dangerously close to her chest with a long pin or hand it to her for self-pinning. What to do? Etiquette rules dictate that you hand it to her, her mother or nearby girlfriend to stick it to her.  How very gallant.  If Momma or the BFF don’ t happen to be part of this scene, allow her to pin it to herself.

Gentlemen, if you will be wearing a boutonniere, you must pin it to your left side as stated.  If you are wearing a suit jacket, it is to be applied to the button hole.  Always keep the flowers pointed straight upwards. (Sounds obvious but let’s not make any hasty assumptions).  Wish for your girl to handle the pinning task?  Perfectly acceptable in all social circles.  Your mother does not need to be present.

As for me, I’m headed to the florist to pick up my little treat.  Yes, it will bring on a flood of well-wishers and interested inquiries.  If this thought makes you anxious, then wear it at home on a Saturday and pin it wherever your heart desires.  Enjoy!

K. Martini