Several years ago, frustrated with the cost of owning a health club membership, I invested in a home gym.  My uncanny ability to justify any purchase usually begins with the words “It will save us ____dollars!!”  The dollar amount is universally inflated which nearly always closes the deal.  My husband and I embarked on a room renovation with the zeal and enthusiasm of Jillian Michaels.  While I’ve not verbalized the final cost outlay to anyone, I think it is safe to assume that we could have retained our gym membership until we were well into our 90’s and still had money left over for the next justifiable purchase.  I am now the proud owner of the countries sturdiest and most expensive clothes line.

I have to confess that the cost of the gym membership was not actually the root of my problem.  The honest truth is I just could not stomach the inconveniences or public displays of rude behavior any longer.  Without further ado, let me indulge you with some gym etiquette tips:

Contain the chit-chat.  Friendly greetings and abbreviated conversations are fine.  Bending the ear of a fellow exerciser can be disrupting to the workout and the other members.  This also applies to the flirty banter with the guy that has super pecks.  While the gym might be great potential dating ground, keep the come-on and ogling discreet and brief.

→Please wipe down your mat and equipment after use.  Aside from the potential health ramifications, landing on someone else’s sweat is icky.  If you believe that your workouts don’t produce any offensive sweat or germs, you would be mistaken.

→If the joint is jumping (typically before and after the standard workday), be respectful of your time use of the equipment.  Many health clubs have a rush hour time limit for the popular machines.  Be respectful of the club rules and if you see someone waiting for your abductor machine, kindly complete your workout and hobble on.

Pick it up.  Keep towels, water bottles, weights, etc. out of the foot path of others.

→While it may be tempting to leave the weights on the leg press at a comfortable-for-you 300 lbs. (so that the world can see what a stud you are), please reset all machines prior to exit.  This is a time-saver for the next person and just good form.

→Turn off your cell phone ringer.  I’m begging you.

→Deodorant?  Yes. Perfume?  No.  The titillating aroma becomes more pungent as you heat up.  To avoid allergic reactions or sensitivities to your fellow workout mates, please arrive to the gym scent free.

Personally, it was general locker room behaviors that finally ended my gym affair.  I’ve never been an exhibitionist when it comes to nudity.  While I don’t expect anyone else to share my conservatism, I do expect respectful conduct by all.  With this in mind, please heed the following:

I realize that nudity is often required for showering however; naked jaunting about so the world can see your junk is tactless.  Nudity in the locker room is acceptable if kept brief.

→Keep your eyes at eye level.  If you do encounter a jaunting about nudist, simply look away and mind your own business.  The cause of their need to romp about could be simple ignorance or it could signal a need for attention.  Remember the words of your Mama ” Just ignore them and they will go away”.

→Take your kids to the Family Locker Room if one is available.  It won’t guarantee a shield from shock but your odds are better here than the general room.

Clean up after yourself

→Watch where you sit

→Clean up after yourself

My husband and I are now in need of a spare guest room and craft space.  Do you have any idea how much money we can save by converting the home gym?!  😉

K. Martini