Anyone in my familial circle can tell you I have a bladder possessing the stamina of an Olympian camel. As odd as it may be, I am quietly proud of this ability. I wouldn’t put it on par with my ability to turn my tongue upside down or my capacity to wiggle both ears alternately but one that I proud of none the less. You may ask how this fascinating bit of ridiculousness could in any way be applicable to a faux pas topic. Well, let me tell you… The Northland skies recently delivered us two feet of fresh, powdery snow. With enthusiasm, my husband and I loaded the snowmobiles to ride remote, wooded trails and cross frozen lakes and rivers. Along about the…
Posts from the “Out & About” Category
This year’s work travels have uncovered a topic that bears address. Chicago, New York, Atlanta all presented unique but comparable situations that resulted in a vast array of outcomes. Some of them I experienced directly; some as a casual but fascinated observer. I’m talking about the revolving door. As unassuming as the revolving door is, gender entry presents a complex faux pas conundrum. One personal case in point… I arrive (alive) at my New York hotel via cab and approach the revolving door at almost the same time a swarthy looking gentleman approaches. I will call him “Jack” because nearly all masculine media heroes are named Jack. A well-appointed doorman was present and had he not been pre-occupied, I am sure…
Two years ago I received a very official looking letter in the mail. My initial thought it was a clever marketing campaign by another struggling carpet cleaning company. Upon closer scrutiny (and before it hit the recycling bin), I realized it was not a marketing gimmick but in fact, a government issued envelope. Of course my mind began to catastrophize. Did I run a red light? Did I enter the carpool land as a single occupant? Did I actually strangle my husband? Did I did I did I? My heart raced as I tore open the envelope. It was then I understood I had been called to fulfill my civic duty; I was officially summoned to jury duty. Relief ensued just prior to …
It’s a widely known fact that I’ve been blessed with an abundance of unreserved expressions and social comforts. I’ve naively believed that everyone contains the same characteristics but in only slightly differing measure. My measure however; happens to be greater than most. While this characteristic comes in handy in most social situations, there are a few that require less spontaneous and reserved (dignified) engagements. Gaining a bartender’s attention is one such occasion. A recent Girl’s Night Out provides a glimpse into today’s illustration of a common social foible and some offense advice. Having just dined on a delectable meal of Greek food, we ladies adjourned to the bar area of the restaurant for a refreshing libation. After spending 20 minutes patiently waiting for table…
Handling the division of a restaurant bill is a situation that presents itself with regularity. How to handle it with taste and grace can be tricky especially when your table is filled with diverse palates, relationships and wallet sizes. Here are some common sense strategies and etiquette tips that will aide in your bill-splitting navigations. #1: Request a separate check upon ordering. This not only assures that you will be accountable for only your costs but it conveys to the rest of your table partners you prefer to pay your portion only. #2: If the group suggests an even split, graciously contribute your portion and don’t get hung up on the pennies (i.e.: error on the generous side). This work well if the group…
The holidays are behind us and our bank accounts have been “slenderized”. ‘Tis the season for scoring a great deal. In my house, everyday is the season. My couponing craze began as a young, married mother of two Money was tight in the early days while we established new careers and juggled tots. What was born of necessity became an obsession driven by thrifty competition. It’s was me against the retail establishment. Or something like that. While I don’t spend long hours in my pursuit of a great deal as I once did, you will still find a dedicated compartment in my wallet for valuable savings. I simply love the the thrill of obtaining rock-bottom prices. If you’ve read some of my past posts,…
“Taking joy in living is a women’s best cosmetic.” Rosalind Russell While Rosalind’s words ring true, a trip to the spa doesn’t hurt either. There is nothing like a warm robe and blackhead free face to perk me up. A trip to the spa is self-indulgence at it’s best. Being a thrifty and (usually) practical girl, dropping a couple hundred bucks for an hour or two of pampering can feel irresponsible. What’s ironic is that it feels irresponsible only upon arrival. Upon my light-headed exit I am convinced that the ritual is a practical necessity and will become weekly rather than bi-annual. Whether once a year or once a week, if you are headed towards self-indulgent luxury, keep these etiquette rules in mind:…
Categories: All, Out & About
I am not a frequent visitor to the ATM machine. This is primarily due to the fact I have little self-control over ready-at-hand cash. If I have cash in my wallet, I can justify frivolous spending like no one else. I’ve been able to tame my affliction fairly well however, there is the occasional need for cash. One such occasion recently presented itself when I was required to present cash for an international money transfer I needed to place. You guessed it; faux pas inspiration reared it’s beautiful head once again. It was a gorgeous fall afternoon. 68 degrees, light breeze and a sky full of sun. The ATM I approached was situated outdoors and canopied with a small awning to protect from window…
I recently resigned from a company that I had been a part of for 15 years. I was offered a position with another company that was just too good to pass up. Being the new kid on the block comes with its perks and disadvantages. The perks feel like Christmas morning and I’m the bright, shiny new present under the tree. Everyone is welcoming and helpful as I navigate my way through the new organization. The disadvantages come with the fact that I’m navigating my way through the organization and have not yet successfully memorized the organizational chart (aka: I don’t know anyone). As luck would have it, my new department scheduled a social 1 1/2 weeks after my first day. A nice little…
I know what images are dancing around in your head. Young Hollywood starlets, “Want-to-be-Famous-for-Nothings”, The Red Carpet. While the rise of American celebrity continues to plague us with ridiculous demonstrations of artificial behaviors, it is the air kiss that holds genuine promise for sincerity if executed properly. Although it might be assumed that this cultural phenomenon originated in Hollywood, its inception actually dates back more than a century ago from countries far, far away. It is hard to pinpoint the exact location but it’s safe to claim that air kissing was not invented by the Housewives of Orange County. These gals may only take claim to re-imaging the air kiss into a disingenuous and hollow greeting. Let’s begin our lesson with the Five W’s:…
Another recent excursion to the grocery store yielded not only a bargain on my favorite yogurt but a wealth of Faux Pas topics. Yes, it was a trip to Crazyville. While an abundance of themes eagerly await my purging, I will relate the following tidbit: Whose responsibility is it to place the partition bar on the conveyor belt? Answer: Whoever is in the front of the queue nearest the cash register. Reason: To keep each person’s lot separated from the other. Possible Reason Ramifications: Cost (aka:To avoid paying for and coming home with someone else’s delicious blood sausage or extra absorbent tampons.) This is only an issue if you are a menopausal vegan on a restricted budget. No matter your lifestyle, no one wants…
“Cock your hat – angles are attitudes” Frank Sinatra Once upon a time, men and their hats were divided into two camps: in one camp, a hat was worn for function, the other camp wore a hat for style. With the passage of time, distinctions and functions have faded. While our culture continues to become more casual with each generation, I believe that all men have had one desire throughout the millenniums: to be respected. Second desire: to be cool. Gone are the days when a young man was taught how to flip his lid respectfully. Every once in a great while we might be privileged…
This is “Open Book” style. HINT: All of the questions below have just one correct and honorable answer. Can you find the exception? You will not be graded. ♦ You’ve received an invitation to a Flag Day party. The invitation is addressed to you. You really want to bring your five-year-old son. You will: Bring him along. Clearly this was an oversight. Find a babysitter. Call the host and ask if you can bring him along. It’s the 4th of July and you are going boating with friends. You are very popular as you’ve been boating every weekend this summer on a different lake. You have some leftover bait from May that is making a stink in your refrigerator. You bring it along and…
As I see it, rude behavior comes in a rainbow of colors. Each color signifies a degree and intent. ♣ BLUE: Unintentional Basically, these types of folk offenders just don’t know any better. While they may not have grown up in a barn, they were either not taught otherwise or missed the lesson. These types of offenses are easily forgiven. Example: Your mother-in-law audibly slurps her Earl Grey tea and uses her dinner fork to scratch her back at the dinner table. These offenses are not meant to hurt and are not directed to you. ♣ ORANGE: Disguised or Unconscious Orange faux pas’ could be divided into two camps but the degrees are the same. Generally, these are illustrated by people who are oblivious…
Several years ago, frustrated with the cost of owning a health club membership, I invested in a home gym. My uncanny ability to justify any purchase usually begins with the words “It will save us ____dollars!!” The dollar amount is universally inflated which nearly always closes the deal. My husband and I embarked on a room renovation with the zeal and enthusiasm of Jillian Michaels. While I’ve not verbalized the final cost outlay to anyone, I think it is safe to assume that we could have retained our gym membership until we were well into our 90’s and still had money left over for the next justifiable purchase. I am now the proud owner of the countries sturdiest and most expensive clothes line. I…
“Can you hear me now?” “Hello, Hello?” “Darn it I hate this phone!” This is the traditional litany of the dropped cell phone call. Neither partner ended the call voluntarily. You still have the juicy bits of the conversation to convey. You look contemptuously at your phone and momentarily wonder if he/she is going to call you back or if you should re-engage the call. Hmmmmm. Rule: Whoever initiated the call is the person who should make the call-back. ♥ Easy Peasy K. Martini
God has blessed me with many gifts. Thankfully those gifts include legs. My legs are fully functional in that I can get from point A to B without issue. My gene pool however; did not donate leg length. Vanity forces me to visually extend what my gene pool did not by wearing shoes with heels higher than a flip-flop. This fact does not pose any inconvenience with two regular exceptions: Hiking in the woods and having to remove my shoes at the door of a home I’ve been invited into. While my vanity can remain intact comfortably in the woods, it takes a hit when (as a good and humble house guest) I feel obligated to deposit my lifts at the front door upon…
Somehow, there is an irony in the fact that you can gauge a personality by a handshake. I believe that a handshake is a barometer of confidence. There are as many variations as people. Limp and loose, exact and firm, clammy and oppressive, combative and intrusive. I’ve yet to shake the hand of a successful woman whose grip is woefully limp and damp. I’ve not shaken the hand of a leader whose effective grip was curtailed by a weak sense of self-worth. This is not to say that an effective handshake signals a healthy ego. Sometimes, we just have to fake it. Whether a social or business environment, a proper handshake will commence an impression. Let’s kick-off our imprint in a positive light! Step…
I don’t love your dog. Before you get your hackles up, let me preface that with a disclaimer. There are pet people and there are non-pet people. My husband and I fall into the latter category. Don’t get me wrong, we love the idea of owning a pet because we like animals. We desperately want to be members of the pet club association and in out hearts, we are. Our last attempt into the prestigious club of dog ownership forced us into our reality. We owned a sweet and lovable bichon who we temporarily lent to my brother while we moved into a new home. Upon return, our sweet, curly, brown bundle returned our love by sprinting to the door and crying for three…
My son was a competitive hockey player from the time he was three until 18 years of age. These years were dedicated to many long hours in ice arenas, camps, private lessons and tournaments. Many thousands of days were spent in the pursuit of his hockey enjoyment. This does not take into account the dollars spent and politics we suffered through. A missing element of instruction was noticed about the time he reached eight years of age. At that age, the youngsters were able to skate independently rather than in packs. They had fully grasped the rules of the game and started to realize the thrill of winning and the glory of individual achievement. As we all know, hockey is a team sport. As…
Our culture embraces intelligence and beauty. It is a hard fact of the world we live in. We “fit” into specific social circles or we don’t. You might say that you don’t care but that would be a lie. We all want to be admired and respected. The formula for good social form at any level is an easy one; love and respect yourself. Demonstrate it by dressing and speaking as though you do. People make instant judgements based on these elements. If you dress like a slob, you will be viewed as such. If you speak idiotically, you will be viewed as such. I am not saying you need to become someone you are not. I am saying that you need to be…
Ask any woman in America who “does” her hair and you will be provided with a monologue. It will be delivered in much the same way a spy cryptically delivers the formula for the H-Bomb. It will be divulged quietly and abruptly. If you are a close, personal friend you will receive more information than if you were merely an acquaintance. After all, we don’t want the world to learn of the magic hands we’ve studiously searched for. We found the prize and we don’t want to share. He or She is ours. 10 years, 6 weeks and 3 days ago I was forced to painfully re-enter the stylist search. “My girl” decided to bear children and become a stay-at-home mommy. I can still…
A few years ago, my daughter was describing a situation she caught herself in unwillingly. She was involved in a friendly conversation at work with several of her fellow nurses. It was friendly only on the surface as one of her colleagues clearly had an axe to grind with another nurse. As the axe wielding colleague gave way to temptation and verbally assaulted the other, the rest of the group was left with their mouths agape and an uncertainty on what to do. The nurse receiving the tongue lashing politely handled the situation with noble composure and professionalism. No rescue or interference was required. It also would have been professionally unwise. The rest of the group stood there with an expression my daughter aptly…
I’m self-appointing myself a C.O.P. (Cellphone Opposition Policewomen). I don’t have a badge yet but this is the mental picture I have of myself. I recently returned from a business trip where the business took five hours and the time spent in the airport, 14 hours. There is nothing glamorous about business travel. What awaits the weary business traveler is bad food, long lines, security checkpoints, erect nap times and personal space invasions. I can muddle through all of these with a minimum amount of whining. What I cannot seem to overcome however, is my hypersensitivity to cell phone usage in the airport. This cannot be overstated. I personally chose to carry a regular cell phone. It is not a smartphone. It does not…
Elizabeth Taylor once said “It’s not the having, it’s the getting“. Liz and I were not besties but I’m sure she was alluding to the great American past time of the garage sale. It’s that time of year again where the American public opens themselves up to the humbling experience of self-enterprise. Where complete strangers follow the beacon of handmade signage to obtain the holy grail of ” THE DEAL”. I confess I am one of the flock. Not only do I look forward to this pilgrimage as a customer, I also become a vendor. Today, I’m directing this entry to the pilgrims. Each year I tell myself that it will be the last. Exhausting hours of preparation and imploring my friends for extra…
Believe it or not, there are faux pas avoidance techniques specifically for the knock-back category. Tackling the “how to drink” adventure is in no way neglectful of the fact we are all born with the ability to drink. It is the refinement of this gift that needs attention. Your stylistic beverage consumption may never be noticed or rewarded with accolades. If your technique is less than stylish, you will be noticed. For some of you, that might be a bonus. I’m going to divide this into two categories; non-alcoholic and alcoholic. If you only consume alcoholic beverages, you can skip to the second part. FOR ALL DRINKERS: Please sip rather than gulp AND sip without food in your mouth. Non-Alcoholic Beverage Swilling Technique Tea…
Phone Call Faux Pas; Say that six times after a glass of Pinot and a 12 hour work day. Today’s posting will be short and to the point. No need to beat around the bushes here. While engaged in an active call, please use the following as your guide. Avoid or Do Not… Eat Chew Gum Talk to Someone Else Cough, Sneeze or Blow your Schnoz Multi-Task* Make Unnecessary Noises Hang up in Anger or Frustration While one could assume that these need no further explanation, I’m going to expound anyway. Eating while on the phone is rude and crude. Stop it. Listening to someone chew gum on the other end of the receiver may not bother you but it irks me to death. …
I consider myself blessed to be a resident of the United States of America. When it comes to tipping however; the blessings sometimes become blurry. Due to the vast array of venues and circumstances tipping can apply to, I’m going to break up the subject matter into bite-sized pieces. Sometimes I just crack myself up. In some countries, tipping is considered “bad form”. In others, it is considered optional and others still, prohibited or insulting. Those rules would certainly make life just a little bit easier for us to follow in the U.S.A. Unfortunately, I don’t live in Fiji, Samoa, Georgia (the country) or Singapore. Here in America, tipping is confusing in part because it is expected for most services. It is socially obligatory…
After struggling with what to write about for my first post, I’ve been lead to a subject near and not so dear to my heart; How to be a good dinner guest. With all of the topics to choose from, this one, single theme continues to creep into my personal life. While I might be going out on a limb, I’m going to assume that most of us have not been raised in a barn or had (real) monkeys for parents. With that said, the obvious question might be why some folks behave like they have. Parental example. It’s common to blame our parents for all the wrongs in our life. Of course, our bad choices are their fault. It’s their fault for…
Categories: All, Entertaining, Everyday Civilities, Guest Relations, Holidays / Occasions, Out & About
faux pas [foh pah] noun, plural faux pas [foh pahz; Fr. foh pah] a slip or blunder in etiquette, manners, or conduct; an embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion. There are as many words for a social blunder as social blunders. My personal favorite (aside from Faux Pas) is peccadillo; a very minor or slight sin or offense; a trifling fault. The word is just flat-out fun to say. Years of silently and sometimes not so silently witnessing social errors lead me to purge through blogging. I can’t possibly be alone in my frustrations! Misery loves company… Not only are there a zillion words for etiquette, there are a zillion more possible subjects just waiting for juicy comment. BUT… comments are not enough. As…
myfauxpas 