Anyone in my familial circle can tell you I have a bladder possessing the stamina of an Olympian camel. As odd as it may be, I am quietly proud of this ability. I wouldn’t put it on par with my ability to turn my tongue upside down or my capacity to wiggle both ears alternately but one that I proud of none the less. You may ask how this fascinating bit of ridiculousness could in any way be applicable to a faux pas topic. Well, let me tell you… The Northland skies recently delivered us two feet of fresh, powdery snow. With enthusiasm, my husband and I loaded the snowmobiles to ride remote, wooded trails and cross frozen lakes and rivers. Along about the…
Posts from the “Everyday Civilities” Category
This year’s work travels have uncovered a topic that bears address. Chicago, New York, Atlanta all presented unique but comparable situations that resulted in a vast array of outcomes. Some of them I experienced directly; some as a casual but fascinated observer. I’m talking about the revolving door. As unassuming as the revolving door is, gender entry presents a complex faux pas conundrum. One personal case in point… I arrive (alive) at my New York hotel via cab and approach the revolving door at almost the same time a swarthy looking gentleman approaches. I will call him “Jack” because nearly all masculine media heroes are named Jack. A well-appointed doorman was present and had he not been pre-occupied, I am sure…
Two years ago I received a very official looking letter in the mail. My initial thought it was a clever marketing campaign by another struggling carpet cleaning company. Upon closer scrutiny (and before it hit the recycling bin), I realized it was not a marketing gimmick but in fact, a government issued envelope. Of course my mind began to catastrophize. Did I run a red light? Did I enter the carpool land as a single occupant? Did I actually strangle my husband? Did I did I did I? My heart raced as I tore open the envelope. It was then I understood I had been called to fulfill my civic duty; I was officially summoned to jury duty. Relief ensued just prior to …
I’ve always wished to communicate fluently in a language other than my native English. Like many, I know a smattering of words in Spanish, Japanese, French, German and Swahili. I am confident that my rest room needs will be accommodated, my greetings conveyed and common curse words could be muttered under by breath in Mexico, Japan, France, Germany and Kenya. I am also confident that my worldly vocabulary will forever be limited to these few words. I continue to lean on my belief that with friendly enthusiasm and genuine interest, anything can be conveyed – it will just take a little longer. In college, I briefly dated a young man who was of Puerto Rican descent. Understand that his attendance was legendary as his…
“Never lend books, for no one ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are books that other folks have lent me.” Anatole France ♦ A quiet little phenomenon pervades our culture and my home. While relatively mild on the spectrum of Faux Pas foibles, it is one that continually infiltrates my life. It is the issue of book borrowing. My husband and I lead small groups for our church and have come to acquire a large library of books and materials that support not only group topics but also personal enjoyment. In the past 15 years, we’ve lent out approximately 50 books. To date, not one of these books has been returned. This shocking statistic came to me yesterday as…
Categories: All, Everyday Civilities
Most of us have one. We have one member of the family, friend or acquaintance circle who is best described as “colorful”. I am no exception. Last Thanksgiving was especially meaningful. For the first time in 25 years my entire extended family joined together for merriment, food and fellowship. The youngest tot to the oldest patriarch united together under one roof for a day of loving chaos. As the day progressed and the wine flowed, my “colorful” sibling became increasingly colorful. Never one to restrain his gaiety (or his filters), I found we were about to enter forbidden and uncomfortable territories. Good taste does not have to squelch good humor. Unfortunately, there are some folks whose joke telling stipulates that all those within earshot…
While statistics vary only slightly, it is reported that approximately 75% of us color our hair. In the 1950’s the figure hovered around 7%. Thankfully, the progression of science has allowed us the freedom to become more attractive while avoiding the chemical hair-fry and unintentional color disasters of the past. I am not only thankful for the progression of science but am thankful that I was born with fabulous hair. The good Lord blessed me with light, honey colored locks; shiny, bouncy, thick and straight. I am not boasting. The good Lord also gave me legs with a 26 1/2″ inseam and a rack so large the girls can only be lifted with $150.00 bras. One day I will understand His logic. And His…
The holidays are behind us and our bank accounts have been “slenderized”. ‘Tis the season for scoring a great deal. In my house, everyday is the season. My couponing craze began as a young, married mother of two Money was tight in the early days while we established new careers and juggled tots. What was born of necessity became an obsession driven by thrifty competition. It’s was me against the retail establishment. Or something like that. While I don’t spend long hours in my pursuit of a great deal as I once did, you will still find a dedicated compartment in my wallet for valuable savings. I simply love the the thrill of obtaining rock-bottom prices. If you’ve read some of my past posts,…
I’m reissuing a post I wrote in May due to the nature of the season. With all of our lives filled with busyness and last-minute reminders of forgotten gifts, take a moment to pause and read (or re-read) etiquette guidelines for re-gifting. I don’t know about you but as the days creep closer to Christmas and panic begins to set in, I find I must resist the temptation to wrap Grandma’s crocheted plant holder lovingly given to me in 1979. Happy Holidays everyone! ♥ Re-Gifting. This is a relatively new term for off-loading your loot to another person all under the guise of an original gift. There are many justifiable reasons: You want to be “green” and recycle, you don’t have time to shop,…
Perhaps the single most unattractive person in the world is one whose attitude and actions demonstrate a false sense of entitlement. Unattractive because the accompanying behaviors of entitlement are always rude. This person acts as though their needs and wants supersede all others. They believe they have a right to demand. They are owed. They are not appreciative. They are rarely happy and always selfish. They are “Takers”. We all know someone. They can be neighbors, relatives, acquaintances, strangers or co-workers. It is the brother who borrows money from you, fails to pay you back then gets irritated with you when you inquire. It is the woman in the restaurant who berates the waitress for not taking her order quick enough. It’s the party…
Categories: All, Everyday Civilities
Toilet, John, Loo, Lavatory, Restroom, Latrine, Privy, Commode, Potty, Throne, Chamber pot, Biffy, Outhouse, Powder room. There are nearly as many words for toilet as there are people who use the various terms. My mother called it the “Tinkle Room” which apparently was more delicate and ladylike than any of the other commonly used terms of her day. My mother fell into the group who used cutsie references for the bathroom. There is also the group that I will refer to as “Continental“. These folks utter words commonly used in countries they do not live in (ex: “Loo” = British ); cool wannabees. And last but not least we have the “Roughians“. Those who insist on referring to the bathroom in the crudest…
I am not a frequent visitor to the ATM machine. This is primarily due to the fact I have little self-control over ready-at-hand cash. If I have cash in my wallet, I can justify frivolous spending like no one else. I’ve been able to tame my affliction fairly well however, there is the occasional need for cash. One such occasion recently presented itself when I was required to present cash for an international money transfer I needed to place. You guessed it; faux pas inspiration reared it’s beautiful head once again. It was a gorgeous fall afternoon. 68 degrees, light breeze and a sky full of sun. The ATM I approached was situated outdoors and canopied with a small awning to protect from window…
This week’s lesson: Nose Picking. Basic human function with basic good form potential. Let’s keep this simple… Pick your picker in private: No one, NO ONE wants to witness this function. No matter the audience or situation, when the urge strikes and you are visible to others, please refrain yourself and remove yourself. Once in a private setting, go nuts. This brings us to point #2. Use a paper tissue: If you find the need to explore your nose at the dining table, kindly excuse yourself and move to a rest room for tissue use. NEVER use a cloth napkin at the table for the job. Cleanse: Wash your hands or at the very least use antibacterial hand sanitizer when you’ve satisfactorily accomplished your…
I recently resigned from a company that I had been a part of for 15 years. I was offered a position with another company that was just too good to pass up. Being the new kid on the block comes with its perks and disadvantages. The perks feel like Christmas morning and I’m the bright, shiny new present under the tree. Everyone is welcoming and helpful as I navigate my way through the new organization. The disadvantages come with the fact that I’m navigating my way through the organization and have not yet successfully memorized the organizational chart (aka: I don’t know anyone). As luck would have it, my new department scheduled a social 1 1/2 weeks after my first day. A nice little…
In my lifetime, I’ve known three individuals within my circle of friends, family and acquaintances that could clear a room within 15 seconds. This uncanny ability is not due to any phenomenal skill other than the uncontrollable human affliction of noxious gas expulsion. It so happens that this community of peeps is of the male persuasion and find the act uproariously entertaining. I’ve yet to understand if the hilarity is due to embarrassment, reactions elicited in the nearby victims or a flaw in the gender. Either way, blatant offenses such as these need to be addressed. While your vapors may seem whimsical and sportive, you will not win points from the sitting ducks in the room. The following Faux Pas rules apply to all…
I know what images are dancing around in your head. Young Hollywood starlets, “Want-to-be-Famous-for-Nothings”, The Red Carpet. While the rise of American celebrity continues to plague us with ridiculous demonstrations of artificial behaviors, it is the air kiss that holds genuine promise for sincerity if executed properly. Although it might be assumed that this cultural phenomenon originated in Hollywood, its inception actually dates back more than a century ago from countries far, far away. It is hard to pinpoint the exact location but it’s safe to claim that air kissing was not invented by the Housewives of Orange County. These gals may only take claim to re-imaging the air kiss into a disingenuous and hollow greeting. Let’s begin our lesson with the Five W’s:…
NAPKIN: A diminutive little device used to wipe your mouth and hands while eating. If you happen to live in Canada, Australia, South Africa or the U.K., you may even refer to this handy little wipe as a Serviette. If you are American, please refrain from using that term as you will appear pretentious which would be a separate faux pas than we are addressing here. At the least, you will appear foolish especially if your dinner companions are wearing camo and/or are donning a mullet hairdo. So be it paper or cloth, there are specific etiquette guidelines for napkin use. Please note the following pointers: Place your nappy in your lap when seated at the table. Days of yore dictated that the guest…
It is time for a refresher. If my recent experiences are any indication of the evolution of civility, then I’m forced to start near the beginning with a repeater. Please read and forward the following message… Indispensable is a five syllable word that nicely compliments today’s posting; The Five Most Important Words in the civilized world. Actually, I’ve been blessed to travel all over the world and know these words have power everywhere; even among the non-civilized. What are they you ask? Since it’s been awhile since we attended Kindergarten, I will provide a little refresher. Thank-you Please I’m Sorry Excuse Me You’re Welcome Expressing appreciation is the trademark of civility. We either throw “thank-you” around willy-nilly or neglect to say it at all. …
Another recent excursion to the grocery store yielded not only a bargain on my favorite yogurt but a wealth of Faux Pas topics. Yes, it was a trip to Crazyville. While an abundance of themes eagerly await my purging, I will relate the following tidbit: Whose responsibility is it to place the partition bar on the conveyor belt? Answer: Whoever is in the front of the queue nearest the cash register. Reason: To keep each person’s lot separated from the other. Possible Reason Ramifications: Cost (aka:To avoid paying for and coming home with someone else’s delicious blood sausage or extra absorbent tampons.) This is only an issue if you are a menopausal vegan on a restricted budget. No matter your lifestyle, no one wants…
“Cock your hat – angles are attitudes” Frank Sinatra Once upon a time, men and their hats were divided into two camps: in one camp, a hat was worn for function, the other camp wore a hat for style. With the passage of time, distinctions and functions have faded. While our culture continues to become more casual with each generation, I believe that all men have had one desire throughout the millenniums: to be respected. Second desire: to be cool. Gone are the days when a young man was taught how to flip his lid respectfully. Every once in a great while we might be privileged…
This is “Open Book” style. HINT: All of the questions below have just one correct and honorable answer. Can you find the exception? You will not be graded. ♦ You’ve received an invitation to a Flag Day party. The invitation is addressed to you. You really want to bring your five-year-old son. You will: Bring him along. Clearly this was an oversight. Find a babysitter. Call the host and ask if you can bring him along. It’s the 4th of July and you are going boating with friends. You are very popular as you’ve been boating every weekend this summer on a different lake. You have some leftover bait from May that is making a stink in your refrigerator. You bring it along and…
As I see it, rude behavior comes in a rainbow of colors. Each color signifies a degree and intent. ♣ BLUE: Unintentional Basically, these types of folk offenders just don’t know any better. While they may not have grown up in a barn, they were either not taught otherwise or missed the lesson. These types of offenses are easily forgiven. Example: Your mother-in-law audibly slurps her Earl Grey tea and uses her dinner fork to scratch her back at the dinner table. These offenses are not meant to hurt and are not directed to you. ♣ ORANGE: Disguised or Unconscious Orange faux pas’ could be divided into two camps but the degrees are the same. Generally, these are illustrated by people who are oblivious…
Several years ago, frustrated with the cost of owning a health club membership, I invested in a home gym. My uncanny ability to justify any purchase usually begins with the words “It will save us ____dollars!!” The dollar amount is universally inflated which nearly always closes the deal. My husband and I embarked on a room renovation with the zeal and enthusiasm of Jillian Michaels. While I’ve not verbalized the final cost outlay to anyone, I think it is safe to assume that we could have retained our gym membership until we were well into our 90’s and still had money left over for the next justifiable purchase. I am now the proud owner of the countries sturdiest and most expensive clothes line. I…
“Can you hear me now?” “Hello, Hello?” “Darn it I hate this phone!” This is the traditional litany of the dropped cell phone call. Neither partner ended the call voluntarily. You still have the juicy bits of the conversation to convey. You look contemptuously at your phone and momentarily wonder if he/she is going to call you back or if you should re-engage the call. Hmmmmm. Rule: Whoever initiated the call is the person who should make the call-back. ♥ Easy Peasy K. Martini
God has blessed me with many gifts. Thankfully those gifts include legs. My legs are fully functional in that I can get from point A to B without issue. My gene pool however; did not donate leg length. Vanity forces me to visually extend what my gene pool did not by wearing shoes with heels higher than a flip-flop. This fact does not pose any inconvenience with two regular exceptions: Hiking in the woods and having to remove my shoes at the door of a home I’ve been invited into. While my vanity can remain intact comfortably in the woods, it takes a hit when (as a good and humble house guest) I feel obligated to deposit my lifts at the front door upon…
Somehow, there is an irony in the fact that you can gauge a personality by a handshake. I believe that a handshake is a barometer of confidence. There are as many variations as people. Limp and loose, exact and firm, clammy and oppressive, combative and intrusive. I’ve yet to shake the hand of a successful woman whose grip is woefully limp and damp. I’ve not shaken the hand of a leader whose effective grip was curtailed by a weak sense of self-worth. This is not to say that an effective handshake signals a healthy ego. Sometimes, we just have to fake it. Whether a social or business environment, a proper handshake will commence an impression. Let’s kick-off our imprint in a positive light! Step…
I don’t love your dog. Before you get your hackles up, let me preface that with a disclaimer. There are pet people and there are non-pet people. My husband and I fall into the latter category. Don’t get me wrong, we love the idea of owning a pet because we like animals. We desperately want to be members of the pet club association and in out hearts, we are. Our last attempt into the prestigious club of dog ownership forced us into our reality. We owned a sweet and lovable bichon who we temporarily lent to my brother while we moved into a new home. Upon return, our sweet, curly, brown bundle returned our love by sprinting to the door and crying for three…
Last week I performed the professional faux pas of faux pas’s. Let me expound… I work for a large, global firm but have the luxury of working “remotely” (code word for home office). My work days are spent on the phone in conference calls and on the computer conducting all matters of business. My days are long and it is not uncommon for me to feel guilt about having to leave my desk for a restroom break. I’m still working on the work/life balancing act but I digress. Last week while on a conference call with a fellow colleague and a customer, I did it. I committed a whopper of a pecadillo that is still leaving a flush on my face. I unwittingly sent…
Our culture embraces intelligence and beauty. It is a hard fact of the world we live in. We “fit” into specific social circles or we don’t. You might say that you don’t care but that would be a lie. We all want to be admired and respected. The formula for good social form at any level is an easy one; love and respect yourself. Demonstrate it by dressing and speaking as though you do. People make instant judgements based on these elements. If you dress like a slob, you will be viewed as such. If you speak idiotically, you will be viewed as such. I am not saying you need to become someone you are not. I am saying that you need to be…
A few years ago, my daughter was describing a situation she caught herself in unwillingly. She was involved in a friendly conversation at work with several of her fellow nurses. It was friendly only on the surface as one of her colleagues clearly had an axe to grind with another nurse. As the axe wielding colleague gave way to temptation and verbally assaulted the other, the rest of the group was left with their mouths agape and an uncertainty on what to do. The nurse receiving the tongue lashing politely handled the situation with noble composure and professionalism. No rescue or interference was required. It also would have been professionally unwise. The rest of the group stood there with an expression my daughter aptly…
This posting will be painful for some of you, but necessary. Please try to remember that what does not kill you just might make you stronger. At least, it will enlighten you. Ignorance might be bliss but it isn’t if you step on the toes of another person. You’ve received an invitation. You’ve studied it for hours. The invitation does not list your child by name nor does it mention that children are invited. The invitation may be in written form or verbal; it does not matter. The rules apply for each scenario. What do you do? In the midst of your bewilderment you will recall these words: THEY ARE NOT INVITED. You are now plotting… You are considering bringing your bundle of joy,…
I’m self-appointing myself a C.O.P. (Cellphone Opposition Policewomen). I don’t have a badge yet but this is the mental picture I have of myself. I recently returned from a business trip where the business took five hours and the time spent in the airport, 14 hours. There is nothing glamorous about business travel. What awaits the weary business traveler is bad food, long lines, security checkpoints, erect nap times and personal space invasions. I can muddle through all of these with a minimum amount of whining. What I cannot seem to overcome however, is my hypersensitivity to cell phone usage in the airport. This cannot be overstated. I personally chose to carry a regular cell phone. It is not a smartphone. It does not…
Believe it or not, there are faux pas avoidance techniques specifically for the knock-back category. Tackling the “how to drink” adventure is in no way neglectful of the fact we are all born with the ability to drink. It is the refinement of this gift that needs attention. Your stylistic beverage consumption may never be noticed or rewarded with accolades. If your technique is less than stylish, you will be noticed. For some of you, that might be a bonus. I’m going to divide this into two categories; non-alcoholic and alcoholic. If you only consume alcoholic beverages, you can skip to the second part. FOR ALL DRINKERS: Please sip rather than gulp AND sip without food in your mouth. Non-Alcoholic Beverage Swilling Technique Tea…
Phone Call Faux Pas; Say that six times after a glass of Pinot and a 12 hour work day. Today’s posting will be short and to the point. No need to beat around the bushes here. While engaged in an active call, please use the following as your guide. Avoid or Do Not… Eat Chew Gum Talk to Someone Else Cough, Sneeze or Blow your Schnoz Multi-Task* Make Unnecessary Noises Hang up in Anger or Frustration While one could assume that these need no further explanation, I’m going to expound anyway. Eating while on the phone is rude and crude. Stop it. Listening to someone chew gum on the other end of the receiver may not bother you but it irks me to death. …
After struggling with what to write about for my first post, I’ve been lead to a subject near and not so dear to my heart; How to be a good dinner guest. With all of the topics to choose from, this one, single theme continues to creep into my personal life. While I might be going out on a limb, I’m going to assume that most of us have not been raised in a barn or had (real) monkeys for parents. With that said, the obvious question might be why some folks behave like they have. Parental example. It’s common to blame our parents for all the wrongs in our life. Of course, our bad choices are their fault. It’s their fault for…
Categories: All, Entertaining, Everyday Civilities, Guest Relations, Holidays / Occasions, Out & About
faux pas [foh pah] noun, plural faux pas [foh pahz; Fr. foh pah] a slip or blunder in etiquette, manners, or conduct; an embarrassing social blunder or indiscretion. There are as many words for a social blunder as social blunders. My personal favorite (aside from Faux Pas) is peccadillo; a very minor or slight sin or offense; a trifling fault. The word is just flat-out fun to say. Years of silently and sometimes not so silently witnessing social errors lead me to purge through blogging. I can’t possibly be alone in my frustrations! Misery loves company… Not only are there a zillion words for etiquette, there are a zillion more possible subjects just waiting for juicy comment. BUT… comments are not enough. As…
myfauxpas 