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John Biffy Loo, Oh My!

Posted on October 31, 2012

Toilet, John, Loo, Lavatory, Restroom, Latrine, Privy, Commode, Potty, Throne, Chamber pot, Biffy, Outhouse, Powder room. There are nearly as many words for toilet as there are people who use the various terms.  My mother called it the “Tinkle Room” which apparently was more delicate and ladylike than any of the other commonly used terms of her day.   My mother fell into the group who used cutsie references for the bathroom.  There is also the group that I will refer to as “Continental“.  These folks utter words commonly used in countries they do not live in (ex:  “Loo” = British ); cool wannabees.  And last but not least we have the “Roughians“. Those who insist on referring to the bathroom in the crudest…

Corsages & Boutonnieres

Posted on October 15, 2012

If you really want to feel special, order yourself a corsage and wear it for no apparent reason.  You are not headed to the prom (thank you, Lord), a wedding or funeral.  You are not celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary, winner of the Publisher’s Clearing House sweepstakes or named Pickle Salesperson of the Year.  You simply love you. What a treat to be able to go about your day with the aroma and beauty of a fresh bloom or two.  This little luxury will only cost you a few bucks.  Much less than the cost of a bouquet which will sit on your counter while you spend the majority of your time away from it.  Cheaper than a manicure, pedicure, facial or trip to…

At the ATM

Posted on October 13, 2012

I am not a frequent visitor to the ATM machine.  This is primarily due to the fact I have little self-control over ready-at-hand cash.  If I have cash in my wallet, I can justify frivolous spending like no one else.  I’ve been able to tame my affliction fairly well however, there is the occasional need for cash.  One such occasion recently presented itself when I was required to present cash for an international money transfer I needed to place. You guessed it; faux pas inspiration reared it’s beautiful head once again. It was a gorgeous fall afternoon.  68 degrees, light breeze and a sky full of sun.  The ATM I approached was situated outdoors and canopied with a small awning to protect from window…

Pickers

Posted on October 6, 2012

This week’s lesson: Nose Picking.  Basic human function with basic good form potential.  Let’s keep this simple… Pick your picker in private:   No one, NO ONE wants to witness this function.  No matter the audience or situation, when the urge strikes and you are visible to others, please refrain yourself and remove yourself.  Once in a private setting, go nuts.  This brings us to point #2. Use a paper tissue:  If you find the need to explore your nose at the dining table, kindly excuse yourself and move to a rest room for tissue use.  NEVER use a cloth napkin at the table for the job. Cleanse:  Wash your hands or at the very least use antibacterial hand sanitizer when you’ve satisfactorily accomplished your…