Posts from the “Communication Protocols” Category

Language Blockade

Posted on December 6, 2013

I’ve always wished to communicate fluently in a language other than  my native English.  Like many, I know a smattering of words in Spanish, Japanese, French, German and Swahili.  I am confident that my rest room needs will be accommodated, my greetings conveyed and common curse words could be muttered under by breath in Mexico, Japan, France, Germany and Kenya.  I am also  confident that my worldly vocabulary will forever be limited to these few words.  I continue to lean on my belief that with friendly enthusiasm and genuine interest, anything can be conveyed – it will just take a little longer. In college, I briefly dated a young man who was of Puerto Rican descent.  Understand that his attendance was legendary as his…

Words for the Broken: Part One

Posted on October 20, 2013

With a heavy heart, I am re-posting Words for the Broken.  This morning, a young friend of our family lost their youngest, three-year-old daughter.  It was sudden and unexpected.  As my heart breaks in their sorrow and grief, I ask that you read the simple advice below.  I also ask that you lift your heart in prayer for this young family and for those in your life who are facing their own personal struggles. I’m convinced that death and divorce bring out the worst in people.  Some folks behave as though the event is contagious and fade out of the lives of those left behind.  Others simply shed their facade and display their true colors.  I guess you could say this is redundant. I’ve…

Hey you, Bartender!

Posted on June 5, 2013

It’s a widely known fact that I’ve been blessed with an abundance of unreserved expressions and social comforts.  I’ve naively believed that everyone contains the same characteristics but in only slightly differing measure.  My measure however; happens to be greater than most.  While this characteristic comes in handy in most social situations, there are a few that require less spontaneous and reserved (dignified) engagements.  Gaining a bartender’s attention is one such occasion. A recent Girl’s Night Out provides a glimpse into today’s illustration of a common social foible and some offense advice.  Having just dined on a delectable meal of Greek food, we ladies adjourned to the bar area of the restaurant for a refreshing libation.  After spending 20 minutes patiently waiting for table…

A Priest and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar: The Unscrupulous Joke

Posted on March 13, 2013

Most of us have one.  We have one member of the family, friend or acquaintance circle who is best described as “colorful”.  I am no exception.  Last Thanksgiving was especially meaningful.  For the first time in 25 years my entire extended family joined together for merriment, food and fellowship.  The youngest tot to the oldest patriarch united together under one roof for a day of loving chaos.  As the day progressed and the wine flowed, my “colorful” sibling became increasingly colorful.  Never one to restrain his gaiety (or his filters), I found we were about to enter forbidden and uncomfortable territories. Good taste does not have to squelch good humor.  Unfortunately, there are some folks whose joke telling stipulates that all those within earshot…

Usernames: Not Just Another Moniker

Posted on February 16, 2013

You will never get the chance to regain a first impression.  This is a universal rule and can be applied to every situation worldwide including the virtual variety.  Usernames convey identity.  Your username is your brand, your stamp, your label.  It is a reflection of YOU.  The following list  illustrates just a sampling of the usernames I’ve encountered over the past 60 days. ↓ MissTittsTrick Hardboy69 Jkfg((y*948qup$S#@n09sfnwbp HairyLeftToenailed SoullessBitch Herpes_free_since_03 InJail_Outsoon ↓ As you examine each username above, close your eyes and call upon your own visual slide show to summon the image each one conveys.  I believe I’ve made my point. K. Martini

“What have you done to yourself?” Comments to live by.

Posted on January 12, 2013

While statistics vary only slightly, it is reported that approximately 75% of us color our hair.  In the 1950’s the figure hovered around 7%.  Thankfully, the progression of science has allowed us the freedom to become more attractive while avoiding the chemical hair-fry and unintentional color disasters of the past. I am not only thankful for the progression of science but am thankful that I was born with fabulous hair.  The good Lord blessed me with light, honey colored locks;  shiny, bouncy, thick and straight.  I am not boasting.  The good Lord also gave me legs with a 26 1/2″ inseam and a rack so large the girls can only be lifted with $150.00 bras.  One day I will understand His logic.  And His…

Another Annual Tradition: The Holiday Letter

Posted on December 1, 2012

“Dear [INSERT NAME], It’s hard to believe that another year has passed!  You just can’t imagene the many blesings our family has experienced in 2012.  Bob was promoted in July to the position of CEO.  After the many long and tireless hours he’s committed to the compnay over the past 38 years, we are enjoying a more liveable wage of $650,000 per year.  I just don’t know how we managed to get by on the pittance of just half that all these years.  Now we will be able to afford the procedure to get rid of his little “wart” problem! Buffy just graduated Magna Cum Laude of her class at Yale.  She missed Suma Cum Laude by .2% and attributes the oversight not to…