Posts from the “Entertaining” Category

Language Blockade

Posted on December 6, 2013

I’ve always wished to communicate fluently in a language other than  my native English.  Like many, I know a smattering of words in Spanish, Japanese, French, German and Swahili.  I am confident that my rest room needs will be accommodated, my greetings conveyed and common curse words could be muttered under by breath in Mexico, Japan, France, Germany and Kenya.  I am also  confident that my worldly vocabulary will forever be limited to these few words.  I continue to lean on my belief that with friendly enthusiasm and genuine interest, anything can be conveyed – it will just take a little longer. In college, I briefly dated a young man who was of Puerto Rican descent.  Understand that his attendance was legendary as his…

A Priest and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar: The Unscrupulous Joke

Posted on March 13, 2013

Most of us have one.  We have one member of the family, friend or acquaintance circle who is best described as “colorful”.  I am no exception.  Last Thanksgiving was especially meaningful.  For the first time in 25 years my entire extended family joined together for merriment, food and fellowship.  The youngest tot to the oldest patriarch united together under one roof for a day of loving chaos.  As the day progressed and the wine flowed, my “colorful” sibling became increasingly colorful.  Never one to restrain his gaiety (or his filters), I found we were about to enter forbidden and uncomfortable territories. Good taste does not have to squelch good humor.  Unfortunately, there are some folks whose joke telling stipulates that all those within earshot…

Napkin (aka: Face Wipe, Nappy, Smacker Dabber)

Posted on August 24, 2012

NAPKIN: A diminutive little device used to wipe your mouth and hands while eating.   If you happen to live in Canada,  Australia,  South Africa or the U.K., you may even refer to this handy little wipe as a Serviette.  If you are American, please refrain from using that term as you will appear pretentious which would be a separate faux pas than we are addressing here.  At the least, you will appear foolish especially if your dinner companions are wearing camo and/or are donning a mullet hairdo. So be it paper or cloth, there are specific etiquette guidelines for napkin use.  Please note the following pointers: Place your nappy in your lap when seated at the table.  Days of yore dictated that the guest…

Shoo Shoe

Posted on June 30, 2012

God has blessed me with many gifts.  Thankfully those gifts include legs.  My legs are fully functional in that I can get from point A to B without issue.  My gene pool however; did not donate leg length.  Vanity forces me to visually extend what my gene pool did not by wearing shoes with heels higher than a flip-flop.  This fact does not pose any inconvenience with two regular exceptions:  Hiking in the woods and having to remove my shoes at the door of a home I’ve been invited into. While my vanity can remain intact comfortably in the woods, it takes a hit when (as a good and humble house guest) I feel obligated to deposit my lifts at the front door upon…

Cheers to you! Toasting

Posted on June 14, 2012

The heavy traffic of wedding season is now upon us.  Fond memories of weddings past conjure up images of kisses and toasts.  Many times the former is a direct result of the later. Ad nauseum.  I have not pinpointed the reason why this bothers me.  The reception room is filled with the cheerful clinking of glasses by utensil, groom kisses bride, bride kisses groom.  All I can ever think is “please, just let them eat!“.  I have no idea where this custom originated but am hoping that it is contained and quickly eradicated the world over. Aside from the dollar-dance, it is the lack of toasting know-how that disgruntles me.  Toasting is not unique to weddings of course so the following simple rules apply…

Cheerful Stupid

Posted on May 15, 2012

A few years ago, my daughter was describing a situation she caught herself in unwillingly. She was involved in a friendly conversation at work with several of her fellow nurses.  It was friendly only on the surface as one of her colleagues clearly had an axe to grind with another nurse.  As the axe wielding colleague gave way to temptation and verbally assaulted the other, the rest of the group was left with their mouths agape and an uncertainty on what to do.  The nurse receiving the tongue lashing politely handled the situation with noble composure and professionalism.  No rescue or interference was required.  It also would have been professionally unwise.  The rest of the group stood there with an expression my daughter aptly…

The Invitation: Sans Child

Posted on May 9, 2012

This posting will be painful for some of you, but necessary.  Please try to remember that what does not kill you just might make you stronger.  At least, it will enlighten you.  Ignorance might be bliss but it isn’t if you step on the toes of another person. You’ve received an invitation. You’ve studied it for hours.  The invitation does not list your child by name nor does it mention that children are invited.  The invitation may be in written form or verbal; it does not matter.  The rules apply for each scenario.  What do you do?  In the midst of your bewilderment you will recall these words:  THEY ARE NOT INVITED.  You are now plotting… You are considering bringing your bundle of joy,…